This Was... Awful- Santa In Training
It seems Netflix is putting every user on their naughty list this year, as they present to us the Christmas overspill that is Santa In Training. A film, so bad that I would rather be bludgeoned to death by candy canes then ever go through the agony of watching this ever again.
A very random 2019 film, clearly bought up by Netflix to fill their endless catalogue, Santa in Training is barely traceable as a project, with a small independent company behind the production, and little else going for it.
Between the budget, cast, and special effects this film takes on the physical embodiment of a lump of coal. If you came here looking for a review on Santa In Training, then I'm sorry, but I'm about to roast this film like chestnuts on an open fire.
This film is dated, unoriginal, and features awful special effects that look like they've been made by a seven-year-old. On top of this are the many bizarre and unjust aspects of this film, including a Jewish Santa that is sure to make you groan- "oy vey"...
I know what you're going to say, who puts on a Christmas Film and expects to see an Oscar-winning performance? To clarify, I watch festive films to remind myself of the magic I felt when I was younger, the feeling that Santa is real and a Christmas miracle can happen at the drop of a bauble.
I do not watch Christmas films to see Nazified elves and Hannibal Lecter creations. Santa In Training will gift you nothing, but long-lasting haunting memories and everyone in this film should feel a deep shame when they look at their IMDb profiles.
Do I like Christmas? Not particularly, or at least I hate what has become of the season, it just seems as each year goes by the tradition gets more deeply rooted in capitalism. The same could be said for Christmas films, but instead of capitalism, they are soaked in 'Christmalism' a word I created to describe something when it's stuffed with far too much Christmas.
And oh jeepers is this film stuffed to the rafters with Christmas. Honestly, it's like the production team went to their nearest supermarket and bought every Christmas prop going and just scattered it throughout the set. It's an overwhelming visual experience and takes away from what is an awful plot. So maybe the production team are geniuses and were trying to distract us the whole time?
The story itself is quite fresh, we have evil elf Bruno (Julio Iglesias Jr.) who gets annoyed that Santa doesn't choose him to become the next Saint Nicholas. Yeah, apparently in this world Santa is replaced every 30 years like some type of dictatorship.
So Bruno sends two elves to train the incompetent Eddie (Antonio Sabato Jr.) in order to get back at Santa and basically ruin Christmas forever. The oblivious elves Slippy (Caron Rowland) and Dippy (Kate Katzman) must have sniffed some PCP before filming because they were erratic and deranged throughout this entire production. The film feels like one massive hallucination and I kind of wish it was because that would mean it wasn't real.
Add in a custody battle for Eddie's daughter and an assassin elf called Silent Simon who is trying to kill the Santa in training, and you get a taste for what this film is all about. A complete random festive encounter that will make you scowl and curse at your screen.
If I had to pick one saving grace for this film, then it would have to be the end credits.
This film would have availed if it took away all the props and CGI, if it gave more attention to the writing, then maybe it wouldn't be a half-bad Christmas film. The story was there to be morphed into something, but instead, we were gifted with a polished Christmas turd.
Take my advice don't waste your time.
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